If I was Betty...I won't feel so strangely angry today

Do you ever have those days (PMS excluded) when you just want to scream, lash out wildly...those days when you can feel every emotion in your body just boiling below the surface? Well I'm having one of those days today?

As usual there seems to be no rhyme or reason to this momentary madness, just that it happens and it's very real!

Could it be because I'd really hoped this Internet dating thing was going to be easy? The date number 1, didn't really spark. Hey when I don't even considering flirting with a guy then you know there is no spark whatsoever. Sad though, he was a damn good looking guy! Now I have resorted going back to the drawing board, I've sent a whole lot of random guys messages and now waiting to see what I get back. Heaven help me!

Could it be because I miss my 'arrangement' guy? I'm finding that I am missing him more and more, there is a distinct lack of company in my life. There was no one to enjoy the sunshine with or discuss the F1 on Sunday. Cooking a meal seems pointless unless someone is there chatting to you. And a lack of company means feeling like a Bertrand Russell poem.

That brings me to the 3 friends who have disappointed me in the last couple of months. OK who have hurt me in the last couple of months. I won't grovel to regain their acceptance but still I'm rather lost without them.

Admittedly I've also been sick recently, and I'm not someone who handles being sick very well. Confined to my flat all weekend when I really wanted to be out and about in the sunshine, seeing the boat race and going to a friend's birthday party, is a recipe for being angry with the world. I'm annoyed that I spent 3 hours in A&E only to be told "we're not sure, maybe go and see your doctor on Monday" and I'm annoyed that the doctor on Monday didn't have any answers either. In the meantime, I start to think of ever possible thing that could be wrong and that panic makes me feel even worse....where did I put the codeine?

OK so <slap slap> enough of this self-pity!! Just get on with it!!