Do you ever have those days (PMS excluded) when you just want to scream, lash out wildly...those days when you can feel every emotion in your body just boiling below the surface? Well I'm having one of those days today?
As usual there seems to be no rhyme or reason to this momentary madness, just that it happens and it's very real!
Could it be because I'd really hoped this Internet dating thing was going to be easy? The date number 1, didn't really spark. Hey when I don't even considering flirting with a guy then you know there is no spark whatsoever. Sad though, he was a damn good looking guy! Now I have resorted going back to the drawing board, I've sent a whole lot of random guys messages and now waiting to see what I get back. Heaven help me!
Could it be because I miss my 'arrangement' guy? I'm finding that I am missing him more and more, there is a distinct lack of company in my life. There was no one to enjoy the sunshine with or discuss the F1 on Sunday. Cooking a meal seems pointless unless someone is there chatting to you. And a lack of company means feeling like a Bertrand Russell poem.
That brings me to the 3 friends who have disappointed me in the last couple of months. OK who have hurt me in the last couple of months. I won't grovel to regain their acceptance but still I'm rather lost without them.
Admittedly I've also been sick recently, and I'm not someone who handles being sick very well. Confined to my flat all weekend when I really wanted to be out and about in the sunshine, seeing the boat race and going to a friend's birthday party, is a recipe for being angry with the world. I'm annoyed that I spent 3 hours in A&E only to be told "we're not sure, maybe go and see your doctor on Monday" and I'm annoyed that the doctor on Monday didn't have any answers either. In the meantime, I start to think of ever possible thing that could be wrong and that panic makes me feel even worse....where did I put the codeine?
OK so <slap slap> enough of this self-pity!! Just get on with it!!
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Thursday, 24 March 2011
If I was Betty...I'd go on an internet date (number 1)
Living in the big city has its problems, how do you meet the potential Mr Right?
Having been persuaded that sitting like an old Estella at the end of the bar, waiting to be bought a drink by some random was not the way to find my knight in shining armour, I decided I would have to get with the 21st Century and do some online dating.
Some of the responses/communications I have received haven't been appealing at all. However one stood out and I agreed to meet with him. On paper he seems to tick all those boxes that girls who are looking for Mr Long-Term Dependable have. We met up for a drink or two at my local pub. It was a lovely evening, one nice looking guy, the conversation had its ups and downs but there was something missing? That damn "spark"!
On the way home, I pondered why I hadn't even found myself remotely keen to flirt with him? And trust me I flirt with just about anyone...even the new security guy at the office gets my coyest good morning smile!
Perhaps my criteria are too perfect. Naturally having dated and had long term relationships, I've looked at the next guy not having any of the short comings that the others had but in doing so I seem to cut out the actual "type" of guy that I'm attracted to.
Right Bloggers, if any of you know or are a rugby planning business man or a farmer...then call me...my number is 555
Having been persuaded that sitting like an old Estella at the end of the bar, waiting to be bought a drink by some random was not the way to find my knight in shining armour, I decided I would have to get with the 21st Century and do some online dating.
Some of the responses/communications I have received haven't been appealing at all. However one stood out and I agreed to meet with him. On paper he seems to tick all those boxes that girls who are looking for Mr Long-Term Dependable have. We met up for a drink or two at my local pub. It was a lovely evening, one nice looking guy, the conversation had its ups and downs but there was something missing? That damn "spark"!
On the way home, I pondered why I hadn't even found myself remotely keen to flirt with him? And trust me I flirt with just about anyone...even the new security guy at the office gets my coyest good morning smile!
Perhaps my criteria are too perfect. Naturally having dated and had long term relationships, I've looked at the next guy not having any of the short comings that the others had but in doing so I seem to cut out the actual "type" of guy that I'm attracted to.
Right Bloggers, if any of you know or are a rugby planning business man or a farmer...then call me...my number is 555
If I was Betty...I'd be proud of running 6km
So this running thing...
Although Saturday's session had me huffing and puffing to the point of wanting to feed the fishes in the Thames, I decided to be the determined tortoise and stick with it. By the end of the session I was feeling more confident and decided that I would give the Tuesday road running session a go.
I must be mad right?
Tuesday rolls around and I'm feeling apprehensive, which quickly changed to terrified when the instructors announced that we would be doing a 6km loop!!
What? You must be joking?
Off we set and before I knew it we were at Wandsworth Bridge...oh my goodness I just ran from Putney to Wandsworth! And once we crossed back over Putney Bridge on the home straight to the coffee shop meeting point. There was one hell of a stupid grin on my face! I had done it! OMG I had just run 6km! They speak of "runners high" and wow I was high. The excitement was tangible and I think both instructors just had to laugh at the expression on my face.
I'll be back at RunClub on Saturday morning for some more...
Bring it on!!
Although Saturday's session had me huffing and puffing to the point of wanting to feed the fishes in the Thames, I decided to be the determined tortoise and stick with it. By the end of the session I was feeling more confident and decided that I would give the Tuesday road running session a go.
I must be mad right?
Tuesday rolls around and I'm feeling apprehensive, which quickly changed to terrified when the instructors announced that we would be doing a 6km loop!!
What? You must be joking?
Off we set and before I knew it we were at Wandsworth Bridge...oh my goodness I just ran from Putney to Wandsworth! And once we crossed back over Putney Bridge on the home straight to the coffee shop meeting point. There was one hell of a stupid grin on my face! I had done it! OMG I had just run 6km! They speak of "runners high" and wow I was high. The excitement was tangible and I think both instructors just had to laugh at the expression on my face.
I'll be back at RunClub on Saturday morning for some more...
Bring it on!!
Friday, 18 March 2011
If I was Betty...I'd join a running club
I must be mad....determined but mad nevertheless! For crying out loud, I'm built for comfort not speed!!
Well that has certain the excuse that I have stuck to for most of my adult life...
But determined to get fit - think back to those New Years resolutions - argh!! So I've joined a local running club, with my first session at 10am tomorrow morning.
Let's take a step back, and let you in on a secret...my crippling fear is making a fool of myself in front of people. It has been the main reason why I trend to hold back. Having read "Yes Man" by Danny Wallace back in 2009, I had promised myself that I would not turn down invitations just because I'd be scared that I might end up embarrassing myself. I do have to give myself a pat on the shoulder that I've really tried to embrace the fear and bold go...celiah dancing; dressed up for fancy dress parties; tried bowling; walking on icy surfaces (think Bambi on ice, OK!) and oh my goodness here it comes...group fitness!!
I hate the gym, and I mean haaaaate!! Firstly why are there never any other people with curves and layers of cuddle. Why do I always feel like the only chubby one there. Secondly, gyms are boring! After 10 minutes, I'm done! So after numerous years of wasted gym memberships - I've gone outdoors!
I love the outdoors. I used to have a outdoor job that required me to have a certain level of fitness but I've been office-bound for the last 4 years and boy do I miss feeling the elements (I was going to say sunshine but I live in London so no-one would ever believe that I'd be bathed in radiant sunshine!)
Originally I looked at the boot camp option but somehow the idea of someone shouting at me with the distinct purpose of shaming me into physically exerting myself, really really doesn't appeal. I know that I need the motivation but the pure fear would override any exercise induced adrenaline.
I happened to post a "help" query on this new local neighbourhood site (Streetlife) and received a pleasant response from a personal trainer who was keen to start up a local running club. So bravely...I joined!
Petrified I rushed down to the local Sports Direct to find a suitable pair of tracky pants and Nike support top...I've got a sports bra hiding somewhere in my cupboard. Right now I look the part, albeit my clothes look so new that I'm still going to look like the beginner. Oh who am I kidding, when they see me "run" they will all know this isn't my natural form of movement!!
Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted on my progress as I suspect my fingers might be the only part of my body that I will be able to move afterwards.
Well that has certain the excuse that I have stuck to for most of my adult life...
But determined to get fit - think back to those New Years resolutions - argh!! So I've joined a local running club, with my first session at 10am tomorrow morning.
Let's take a step back, and let you in on a secret...my crippling fear is making a fool of myself in front of people. It has been the main reason why I trend to hold back. Having read "Yes Man" by Danny Wallace back in 2009, I had promised myself that I would not turn down invitations just because I'd be scared that I might end up embarrassing myself. I do have to give myself a pat on the shoulder that I've really tried to embrace the fear and bold go...celiah dancing; dressed up for fancy dress parties; tried bowling; walking on icy surfaces (think Bambi on ice, OK!) and oh my goodness here it comes...group fitness!!
I hate the gym, and I mean haaaaate!! Firstly why are there never any other people with curves and layers of cuddle. Why do I always feel like the only chubby one there. Secondly, gyms are boring! After 10 minutes, I'm done! So after numerous years of wasted gym memberships - I've gone outdoors!
I love the outdoors. I used to have a outdoor job that required me to have a certain level of fitness but I've been office-bound for the last 4 years and boy do I miss feeling the elements (I was going to say sunshine but I live in London so no-one would ever believe that I'd be bathed in radiant sunshine!)
Originally I looked at the boot camp option but somehow the idea of someone shouting at me with the distinct purpose of shaming me into physically exerting myself, really really doesn't appeal. I know that I need the motivation but the pure fear would override any exercise induced adrenaline.
I happened to post a "help" query on this new local neighbourhood site (Streetlife) and received a pleasant response from a personal trainer who was keen to start up a local running club. So bravely...I joined!
Petrified I rushed down to the local Sports Direct to find a suitable pair of tracky pants and Nike support top...I've got a sports bra hiding somewhere in my cupboard. Right now I look the part, albeit my clothes look so new that I'm still going to look like the beginner. Oh who am I kidding, when they see me "run" they will all know this isn't my natural form of movement!!
Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted on my progress as I suspect my fingers might be the only part of my body that I will be able to move afterwards.
Thursday, 17 March 2011
If I was Betty...I'd take a bold step
I've just read a blog that said the following: "Just because its not going my way doesn't mean its the wrong way"
Thank you, Being Brazen, for reminding me that sometimes we forget that there is a bigger picture, and although things seem to have gone wrong, a different direction is not necessarily a bad thing.
I've spent the last 6 months in an "arrangement" with a great guy. I say "arrangement" as we always knew that it won't turn into a committed relationship as he is a man about to embark on travels around the world. I'm 6 years older than him so there is no way I would stop him for going on what will be a once in a lifetime adventure. What we didn't realise was that at this point in both our lives we were exactly perfect.
Haven't had a traumatic break-up a number of years ago, I've been very reluctant to have men promise me anything because they lie (oh don't I sound slightly jaded!) But I'd put the idea of having a meaningful long term relationship in a distant corner of my mind and decided the best way to go about life was pretend to be Samantha from Sex and The City...
For a moment I felt like things had gone wrong again. There goes another great guy! But it's actually not a bad thing, with his help I've grown a lot over the last 6 months and the fact that he has left a space in my life encourages me to take that bold step and to go out there and find that long term relationship that I have wanted for so long.
Thank you, Being Brazen, for reminding me that sometimes we forget that there is a bigger picture, and although things seem to have gone wrong, a different direction is not necessarily a bad thing.
I've spent the last 6 months in an "arrangement" with a great guy. I say "arrangement" as we always knew that it won't turn into a committed relationship as he is a man about to embark on travels around the world. I'm 6 years older than him so there is no way I would stop him for going on what will be a once in a lifetime adventure. What we didn't realise was that at this point in both our lives we were exactly perfect.
Haven't had a traumatic break-up a number of years ago, I've been very reluctant to have men promise me anything because they lie (oh don't I sound slightly jaded!) But I'd put the idea of having a meaningful long term relationship in a distant corner of my mind and decided the best way to go about life was pretend to be Samantha from Sex and The City...
It was really hard saying goodbye. He has done wonders for my self confidence and frankly has gone a long way to restoring my confidence in the male species in general. Part of me is gutted that I actually find a guy who is just what I need and he has to leave because our lives are heading in two very different directions.
For a moment I felt like things had gone wrong again. There goes another great guy! But it's actually not a bad thing, with his help I've grown a lot over the last 6 months and the fact that he has left a space in my life encourages me to take that bold step and to go out there and find that long term relationship that I have wanted for so long.
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
If I was Betty, I'd start my New Years Resolutions in March...
So did you sit down with your pen and paper at New Years and dilgently write out your resolutions...the ones that you are definitely going to stick to this year?? Oh come on don't lie, you know you did!! We all do it. Every January we work out this magical plan of how our boring lives are going to be spiced up and transformed in the year ahead.
Here are the top 10:
1. Make some new friends
2. Decorate my flat
3. Learn to entertain/host
4. Get fit (learn to run!)
5. Practice my photography
6. Go on holiday somewhere sunny
7. Complete next Open Uni course
8. Start (and stick to) a blog
9. Get some fashion style
10. Find a long term boyfriend
Right, so it's March.....performance review time? Result....general fail!
Somewhere in my brain, an advert for weight-loss programmes and the proverbable "ah-ha" moment...the key is tracking what you are doing in order achieve results.
...and so.....point 8....Start a blog!!
Here are the top 10:
1. Make some new friends
2. Decorate my flat
3. Learn to entertain/host
4. Get fit (learn to run!)
5. Practice my photography
6. Go on holiday somewhere sunny
7. Complete next Open Uni course
8. Start (and stick to) a blog
9. Get some fashion style
10. Find a long term boyfriend
Right, so it's March.....performance review time? Result....general fail!
Somewhere in my brain, an advert for weight-loss programmes and the proverbable "ah-ha" moment...the key is tracking what you are doing in order achieve results.
...and so.....point 8....Start a blog!!
If I was Betty, I'd be a blogger...
I'm not a creative writer, I only wish I was!
This is not the first attempt at starting a blog. I thought it was the done thing these days so why not give it a bash. But frankly I sucked. I think I might have been trying to hard to come up with things to write about. Something profound, yet amusing. Something thought provoking, yet easy for the "common" person to relate to. Argh.....boring!
My cousin is an amazing blogger, it's just fascinating looking at all her links, relevant interesting articles and witty banter. If you are looking for that please stop reading mine and check out hers instead!
This is not the first attempt at starting a blog. I thought it was the done thing these days so why not give it a bash. But frankly I sucked. I think I might have been trying to hard to come up with things to write about. Something profound, yet amusing. Something thought provoking, yet easy for the "common" person to relate to. Argh.....boring!
My cousin is an amazing blogger, it's just fascinating looking at all her links, relevant interesting articles and witty banter. If you are looking for that please stop reading mine and check out hers instead!
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