Sunshine...glorious sunshine!!
You forget how much you enjoy the simple things in life until you spend a long cold winter without them. Thank goodness for that "Spring has sprung" feeling!!
Last week was a tough one by all accounts and it was only yesterday afternoon whilst sorting out my little greenhouse and watering the potted plants that life seemed normal again. There was nothing else to do but simply get out the blanket, sunglasses and a suitable book, then lay back and let the sunshine work it's magic on my body and more importantly my soul.
Here's wishing everyone a sunny soul week ahead!
(P.S Yes I know it's supposed to rain this coming Wednesday but shhh don't spoil the moment ok :) )
Dita von Teese recently appeared in an episode of CSI and once again I was transfixed by her beauty and it's more than that it's the way she carries herself. Grace and poise, that sense of confidence which only comes from knowing that you are adored.
Frankly I'm not a girly-girl so friends that may have known me all my life, would never suspect my secret obsession with 1940's Pin-up Models! But there is just something about them that I find alluring. I don't claim to follow fashion, I am happy in a pair of jeans and t-shirt, so I don't believe it is the 1940's fashion that catches my eye but it is that grace and poise that I spoke of earlier. Admittedly after having tried on my first laced up corset in 2009, you will definitely see me walking around Black Rose and Darkside in Camden admiring them.
Ah <I can hear the penny drop> so that is why your blog is called "If I was Betty".
Indeed, Betty Paige is one of the most recognised faces of pin-up albeit for some of her more outrageous and 'way before her time' genre of photographs. But no matter if it's a coy bikini clad image to one showing her bound and gagged, there is always an air of confidence! .....And confidence is key!
Right the self-pity moment is well and truly over, thanks to an international phonecall from my "arrangement" guy.
There was no need to tell him about the rough week that I was having because all those feelings disappeared at the sound of his laughter. Clearly my excitement/eagerness when answering the phone and almost falling off the couch, was audible in my "Hello you!"
So after 48mins of laughing about ...stuff... on the phone, all my cares and worries had evaporated!
Again I am reminded of the power that a friend can have in your life. Even if they don't know that you need cheering up, the most basic of human contacts can lift your spirit out of those murky depths.
Do you ever have those days (PMS excluded) when you just want to scream, lash out wildly...those days when you can feel every emotion in your body just boiling below the surface? Well I'm having one of those days today?
As usual there seems to be no rhyme or reason to this momentary madness, just that it happens and it's very real!
Could it be because I'd really hoped this Internet dating thing was going to be easy? The date number 1, didn't really spark. Hey when I don't even considering flirting with a guy then you know there is no spark whatsoever. Sad though, he was a damn good looking guy! Now I have resorted going back to the drawing board, I've sent a whole lot of random guys messages and now waiting to see what I get back. Heaven help me!
Could it be because I miss my 'arrangement' guy? I'm finding that I am missing him more and more, there is a distinct lack of company in my life. There was no one to enjoy the sunshine with or discuss the F1 on Sunday. Cooking a meal seems pointless unless someone is there chatting to you. And a lack of company means feeling like a Bertrand Russell poem.
That brings me to the 3 friends who have disappointed me in the last couple of months. OK who have hurt me in the last couple of months. I won't grovel to regain their acceptance but still I'm rather lost without them.
Admittedly I've also been sick recently, and I'm not someone who handles being sick very well. Confined to my flat all weekend when I really wanted to be out and about in the sunshine, seeing the boat race and going to a friend's birthday party, is a recipe for being angry with the world. I'm annoyed that I spent 3 hours in A&E only to be told "we're not sure, maybe go and see your doctor on Monday" and I'm annoyed that the doctor on Monday didn't have any answers either. In the meantime, I start to think of ever possible thing that could be wrong and that panic makes me feel even worse....where did I put the codeine?
OK so <slap slap> enough of this self-pity!! Just get on with it!!
Living in the big city has its problems, how do you meet the potential Mr Right?
Having been persuaded that sitting like an old Estella at the end of the bar, waiting to be bought a drink by some random was not the way to find my knight in shining armour, I decided I would have to get with the 21st Century and do some online dating.
Some of the responses/communications I have received haven't been appealing at all. However one stood out and I agreed to meet with him. On paper he seems to tick all those boxes that girls who are looking for Mr Long-Term Dependable have. We met up for a drink or two at my local pub. It was a lovely evening, one nice looking guy, the conversation had its ups and downs but there was something missing? That damn "spark"!
On the way home, I pondered why I hadn't even found myself remotely keen to flirt with him? And trust me I flirt with just about anyone...even the new security guy at the office gets my coyest good morning smile!
Perhaps my criteria are too perfect. Naturally having dated and had long term relationships, I've looked at the next guy not having any of the short comings that the others had but in doing so I seem to cut out the actual "type" of guy that I'm attracted to.
Right Bloggers, if any of you know or are a rugby planning business man or a farmer...then call me...my number is 555
So this running thing...
Although Saturday's session had me huffing and puffing to the point of wanting to feed the fishes in the Thames, I decided to be the determined tortoise and stick with it. By the end of the session I was feeling more confident and decided that I would give the Tuesday road running session a go.
I must be mad right?
Tuesday rolls around and I'm feeling apprehensive, which quickly changed to terrified when the instructors announced that we would be doing a 6km loop!!
What? You must be joking?
Off we set and before I knew it we were at Wandsworth Bridge...oh my goodness I just ran from Putney to Wandsworth! And once we crossed back over Putney Bridge on the home straight to the coffee shop meeting point. There was one hell of a stupid grin on my face! I had done it! OMG I had just run 6km! They speak of "runners high" and wow I was high. The excitement was tangible and I think both instructors just had to laugh at the expression on my face.
I'll be back at RunClub on Saturday morning for some more...
Bring it on!!
I must be mad....determined but mad nevertheless! For crying out loud, I'm built for comfort not speed!!
Well that has certain the excuse that I have stuck to for most of my adult life...
But determined to get fit - think back to those New Years resolutions - argh!! So I've joined a local running club, with my first session at 10am tomorrow morning.
Let's take a step back, and let you in on a secret...my crippling fear is making a fool of myself in front of people. It has been the main reason why I trend to hold back. Having read "Yes Man" by Danny Wallace back in 2009, I had promised myself that I would not turn down invitations just because I'd be scared that I might end up embarrassing myself. I do have to give myself a pat on the shoulder that I've really tried to embrace the fear and bold go...celiah dancing; dressed up for fancy dress parties; tried bowling; walking on icy surfaces (think Bambi on ice, OK!) and oh my goodness here it comes...group fitness!!
I hate the gym, and I mean haaaaate!! Firstly why are there never any other people with curves and layers of cuddle. Why do I always feel like the only chubby one there. Secondly, gyms are boring! After 10 minutes, I'm done! So after numerous years of wasted gym memberships - I've gone outdoors!
I love the outdoors. I used to have a outdoor job that required me to have a certain level of fitness but I've been office-bound for the last 4 years and boy do I miss feeling the elements (I was going to say sunshine but I live in London so no-one would ever believe that I'd be bathed in radiant sunshine!)
Originally I looked at the boot camp option but somehow the idea of someone shouting at me with the distinct purpose of shaming me into physically exerting myself, really really doesn't appeal. I know that I need the motivation but the pure fear would override any exercise induced adrenaline.
I happened to post a "help" query on this new local neighbourhood site (Streetlife) and received a pleasant response from a personal trainer who was keen to start up a local running club. So bravely...I joined!
Petrified I rushed down to the local Sports Direct to find a suitable pair of tracky pants and Nike support top...I've got a sports bra hiding somewhere in my cupboard. Right now I look the part, albeit my clothes look so new that I'm still going to look like the beginner. Oh who am I kidding, when they see me "run" they will all know this isn't my natural form of movement!!
Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted on my progress as I suspect my fingers might be the only part of my body that I will be able to move afterwards.
